Break Out of the “Friends Zone”
By Jake Vandenhoff
I work with a lot of clients who are borderline obsessed with some woman they are “friends” with. They claim that she has “no idea” about their feelings, or they feign ignorance… they "aren't sure" if she knows.
It’s like middle school!
These guys never make a move to get romantic with the objects of their desire because they're afraid that they'll screw things up and blow their big chance.
So they keep being “friends”, hoping that something will pan out eventually, maybe the girl will make the first move, or there will be some other happy ending.
In reality, The woman knows, but she's either not attracted, only slightly attracted or very shy herself.
Lets examine these three scenarios…
1) She’s just not attracted... Unfortunately, this is often the case. She's an attractive girl with lots of options and he’s an awkward guy who isn’t comfortable making his feelings known. Not exactly a perfect match.
In these cases the girl knows that the guy likes her, she likes the attention, but that’s where it ends. Sometime a girls will even flirt with a guy she isn't interested in on a daily basis just so he'll stay around and keep boosting up her ego.
2) When a woman is only slightly attracted to a guy, she doesn't feel that burning desire to be with him. She won’t pursue him, but perhaps if he comes at her right, there is potential. It’s the same as how you feel about a woman you are only slightly attracted to. You won’t go out of your way to be with her, but if you're in the right mood and she starts flirting, you might give her some lovin’.
3) Occasionally a girl is just shy! I know it sounds crazy, but now and then you meet a girl who is too shy to make the first move even when she really likes the guy.
I think the reason so many guys say that they don’t know what their “friend” is thinking is that they are afraid to admit that she’s just not interested. They live in this fantasy where she really likes them too, and they don’t want to wreck the fantasy.
Getting stuck on one woman who doesn’t want you is about the worst thing you can do to yourself. So the key if you are sweating some female friend is to get unstuck and you do this by taking action...
Show her that you’re interested and see how she responds.
This doesn’t mean telling her how special you think she is, telling her you love her, or making a big fuss. Just softly push the envelope.
If you're “friends”, then you're already hanging out in some way or another. So, next time when you're hanging out, try to maneuver some alone time. Break out some wine or a six pack or whatever and just talk to her. Just have fun and hangout.
Then escalate…
Put your arm around her, sniff her hair, touch her knee, give her some good eye contact.
If she is cool with it… congratulations you just broke out of the friends zone, and you can just keep progressing the passion.
If she is only slightly attracted, she may be confused about what to do. She didn’t think you were ever going to bust a move, and now she has to decide if she is with it. In these cases she may want to talk to you a bit, see where your head is at, make you work for it. In other words she wants to see if you are up to the task at hand.
So she could pull back and say, “OMG, are you trying to put the moves on me”, “This is getting weird”, or “I don’t think this is such a good idea.” This is fine…
This is your chance to show her that you are comfortable with yourself, your feelings and her.
This is what separates the men from the boys.
This is when you say something like, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t resist you”, “You just been getting to me, smelling all good” or “Yeah I was trying to put the moves on you… can I put them on you please?”
The words don’t matter, it’s the attitude. The attitude that you like her, you like spending time with her, you would like to take things to a sexy level, but it’s not a big deal. You can joke about it because it’s so not a big deal.
This puts her at ease. It lets her know that you don’t want to make things weird. You are just offering her something, you are like an ice-cream truck rolling by real slow, it’s her call if she wants to come out and have an ice cream.
If however she stiffens or squirms away, this is a sign that she’s NOT feeling you. When this happens there isn’t much you can do. Just don’t make it weird, go back to hanging like platonic friends. Back off for a while and focus on all the women who will be feeling you.
In the future you can hang out with her if you are interested in her as a platonic friend. Of course it can be frustrating to hang with a female “friend” whom you're very attracted to and not sleeping with, but it’s a lot easier if you have other female friends that you do sleep with.
And who knows, maybe your female “friend” will hook you up with one of her friends.
Want to learn the secrets of attracting women, both your "friends" and brand new chicks? and making them chase you? Then: Sign up for my free Dating Secrets E-Course and claim your two free reports!